Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
