Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
