I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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