I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
where am i from again
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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