it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
