ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
