tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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