I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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