Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it's great music for shaving your balls
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
