We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is Oprah even human
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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