I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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