at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
