just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
