I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
