Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
