Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
