They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
