I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize