drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
