Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
