Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
