We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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