How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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