Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
