Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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