Just fell off a train. Bad.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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