Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
