Dual....:-)
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
