DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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