Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
