Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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