should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
