Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
