Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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