Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize