That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize