I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize