I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
