the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
