i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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