i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
