Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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