I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
