look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
