Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
