During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
