guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
