they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
