wanna go halves on a baby?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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