I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
