walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
