shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
