Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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