This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i love accidental penises.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
