Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
