I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
