You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
