You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
