I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
the raccoons are back...
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