I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize