I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
ok first of all what the fuck
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
