I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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