yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
whose parrot is this?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
