party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
