Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
