I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
