It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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