HIV tests are more positive than that guy
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
