can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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