Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
