# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
