phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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