I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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