I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
