What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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