do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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