Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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