So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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