Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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