The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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