he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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