Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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