This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
