wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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