Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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