I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
